Amanda Luttman乌鸦传媒檚 message is kindness.
Luttman knows too well what it乌鸦传媒檚 like to live on the streets of Salmon Arm, to be part of a small network of people who support each other as best they can.
Luttman was born and raised in Salmon Arm. Her addiction to drugs started with smoking pot. In her early 20s, she starting dabbling in MDMA or ecstasy. Although she sometimes drank alcohol, she didn乌鸦传媒檛 drink much, and now, never.
乌鸦传媒淚 still won乌鸦传媒檛 have a drink because I can乌鸦传媒檛 risk it,乌鸦传媒� she said.
She progressed to cocaine and other drugs. The first time she used methamphetamine was when she was 28 or 29.
乌鸦传媒淲hen I used fentanyl, I was hooked instantly. It was mental (addiction) at first. I didn乌鸦传媒檛 need it right away. But I liked it too much, it just turned everything off, it just blanked my mind. I didn乌鸦传媒檛 care about anything. All the guilt and shame in my life was gone.乌鸦传媒�
In reality, all it did was put a Band-Aid on her pain, she realized.
乌鸦传媒淚 was playing Russian roulette with my life.乌鸦传媒�
She said a lot of people have used much longer, but she wanted to be a mother to her son again. He乌鸦传媒檚 now nine.
Luttman went through treatment in the Lower Mainland, is now living in housing with women who had similar experiences and is doing well.
乌鸦传媒淚乌鸦传媒檓 working again. I didn乌鸦传媒檛 ever think I乌鸦传媒檇 be on the streets. I used to have a home with my son. It just progressed乌鸦传媒ξ谘淮綕
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She believes options for help are available, if people could be aware of their mental health.
乌鸦传媒淭hat乌鸦传媒檚 a really huge thing. A lot of people use because it乌鸦传媒檚 self medicating, right?
乌鸦传媒淚 have ADD and ADHD. I found that using meth, I was able to focus and do all the things I didn乌鸦传媒檛 have the energy to do乌鸦传媒� I felt I was like Wonder Woman when I was on it乌鸦传媒� I could go to work and have all this energy, get my job done; I thought it helped with burnout.乌鸦传媒�
As Luttman乌鸦传媒檚 addictions began to pick up, she left her son with her mom.
乌鸦传媒淚 felt guilty and I didn乌鸦传媒檛 want to traumatize him, find his mom dead or something like that.乌鸦传媒�
This was before the Salvation Army乌鸦传媒檚 move to McGuire Lake during Covid, and she乌鸦传媒檇 often stay in the Lighthouse Shelter in the winter. People would line up in the cold and when the doors would open, they乌鸦传媒檇 be given a meal and could have a shower or do laundry. By 8 in the morning, they were back out in the cold.
乌鸦传媒淲inters were brutal,乌鸦传媒� she said.
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Sometimes she would have blankets hidden in the fairgrounds and might huddle up there. Once she almost died from having propane in her tent with no ventilation.
Most of the restaurants got tired of unhoused people coming in, although one was pretty good, she said.
Luttman said she was kicked out of the shelter a few times for using drugs, or her roommate using, or for being late.
乌鸦传媒淭hey have a system 乌鸦传媒� you get kicked out for a day, a week, a month, and then indefinitely.乌鸦传媒�
She said she still has a bit of resentment when a woman who had been drinking put alcohol in the shelter washroom. Then all the women were kicked out indefinitely and the woman didn乌鸦传媒檛 乌鸦传媒榝ess up.乌鸦传媒�
Luttman received kindness from strangers, such as a person who was doing janitorial duties and let her warm up several times in their supply room.
Vinny Larson, who died in 2020 when his makeshift home caught fire, was a good friend and would allow her to stay at his camp near Buckerfield乌鸦传媒檚.
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Luttman squatted near the Canoe Beach dog park in the summer for a while but was on methadone, wasn乌鸦传媒檛 eating, was breathing wildfire smoke and started getting very sick.
A business owner offered to pay her bus fare from Canoe so she could work for him. That tided her over for a while.
She ended up having to leave all her belongings in Canoe, and at other times, in other places.
Some support was available on the streets in Salmon Arm, she said. Outreach workers would check on them, they knew where all the camps were, and would give them snacks and toques in winter.
She said she feels badly about what she put her mother through, who would sometimes try to find her.
Luttman attempted to get clean more than once but relapsed and ended up back on the street. She said getting off drugs was impossible when she was living rough because life was too hard.
She urges kindness for fellow human beings who are struggling.
乌鸦传媒淪ure you chose to pick up that first drug or first drink. But with addiction, it乌鸦传媒檚 no longer a choice. You do it against your own will. It乌鸦传媒檚 basically what addiction is.
乌鸦传媒淚 feel if people understood that, they would be more compassionate. I wish that there was more shelter out there for people and more options for people to get out of the situation and not have to leave town.乌鸦传媒�
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She doesn乌鸦传媒檛 think anyone realizes just how bad the housing situation is in Salmon Arm.
乌鸦传媒淏igger cities have more support for the homeless and more awareness. You don乌鸦传媒檛 even have to be using drugs or alcohol. The landlord could be selling your place. Anybody could be out there. It乌鸦传媒檚 hard. People look at you differently. They all know. It didn乌鸦传媒檛 matter how nice I was dressed or did my hair, it felt like everyone knew.乌鸦传媒�
She was lucky as she had her mom for support, she said. There are people who have no family except the people on the street.
乌鸦传媒淚t乌鸦传媒檚 super hard to leave them. I feel alone out here. I乌鸦传媒檓 not, I have girls in recovery.
乌鸦传媒淚t乌鸦传媒檚 hard to think about them, who乌鸦传媒檚 going to survive, who乌鸦传媒檚 going to die, who乌鸦传媒檚 going to make it out. I know people乌鸦传媒檚 personal stories and not one of them deserve this. I just believe that being kind will make a difference in someone乌鸦传媒檚 life.乌鸦传媒�
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martha.wickett@saobserver.net
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