The calendar year is full of difficult days for people who are grieving.

Anniversaries of a life lived.

Birthdays and death days.

Tuesdays.

Any reminder has potential for pain, which means any moment can become one of grief, explains Marney Thompson, director of bereavement services for Victoria Hospice.

乌鸦传媒淕rief itself is really a process of learning to live with, accommodating with what乌鸦传媒檚 happened,乌鸦传媒� she said. 乌鸦传媒淭here are all kinds of reminders that are painful for people."

Winter is filled with varied holidays 乌鸦传媒� solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day and New Years Eve 乌鸦传媒� that come with overarching narratives of wonder, magic and hope. They come with expectations based on traditions and rituals amplified when somebody乌鸦传媒檚 missing.

For people processing a recent loss, the start of a fresh new year isn乌鸦传媒檛 necessarily a wonderful prospect filled with goals and ideals. They may rather go into each day with a profound and lingering understanding their person won乌鸦传媒檛 be there with them.

Her tips for those facing grief in the traditional times of happiness range to what is best for them. She recommends trying something new, knowing changes aren乌鸦传媒檛 written in stone. 

During times of wider acknowledgement, such as Christmas, she recommends if people are comfortable, they talk within their family and friend groups to reflect on what this person and this holiday are about. Recognize or honour that person乌鸦传媒檚 favourite food, charity or song.

乌鸦传媒淲e often try to remind people doing it differently this year doesn乌鸦传媒檛 mean your traditions are lost forever,乌鸦传媒� Thompson said.

Depending on the situation, she encourages families to fill a stocking with memory notes, and read them at some point through the holidays. 

When her grandmother died, they set her place at the table for Christmas 乌鸦传媒� spurring spontaneous and emotional conversation and memory sharing. 乌鸦传媒淲e all cried through it. It was painful but it was a way to honour her.乌鸦传媒�

While facing a friend or loved one handling grief can be daunting, there乌鸦传媒檚 value in acknowledgement.

A survey conducted in November and December 2023 for the Canadian Grief Alliance, found 53 per cent of respondents felt their grief went largely unrecognized by others. In contrast, they overwhelmingly wanted to talk about it 乌鸦传媒� 83 per cent said being asked about their loss was helpful.

乌鸦传媒淭here are general and gentle enough words that invite people to show up if they choose to, to speak to how they乌鸦传媒檙e really doing,乌鸦传媒� Thompson said.

She乌鸦传媒檚 also part of the Canadian Grief Alliance where they suggest opening dialogue with something like 乌鸦传媒淚 know this is a difficult time of year for a lot of people, is there anything you want to talk about?乌鸦传媒�

The Alliance outlines easy ways to offer such as: 乌鸦传媒淵ou乌鸦传媒檙e welcome to join us for dinner if you乌鸦传媒檙e feeling up to it.乌鸦传媒� 

Support can be as easy as offering an ear, a walk or physically helping with tasks such as making a meal.

乌鸦传媒淵ou can see what the person brings forward and responds to that. It乌鸦传媒檚 really worthwhile to provide an invitation to speak to how it is,乌鸦传媒� Thompson said. 乌鸦传媒淵ou乌鸦传媒檙e just opening the door.乌鸦传媒�

Be ready to follow through on the offer, and just as much, be willing to accept a no, a brush-off or silence.

There is an appropriate way to address loss, and it doesn乌鸦传媒檛 include the words 乌鸦传媒渁t least they乌鸦传媒檙e in a better place.乌鸦传媒�

乌鸦传媒淓ven clients have said, 乌鸦传媒業f it starts with 乌鸦传媒榓t least乌鸦传媒� I don乌鸦传媒檛 want to hear it乌鸦传媒�,乌鸦传媒� Thompson said. 乌鸦传媒淚t乌鸦传媒檚 bright-siding their pain.乌鸦传媒�

While human nature compels many to fluff people up or fix them, grief isn乌鸦传媒檛 something to be repaired but rather integrated into lives.

乌鸦传媒淕rief itself is really a process of learning to live with, accommodating with, what乌鸦传媒檚 happened,乌鸦传媒� Thompson said. 乌鸦传媒淲e don乌鸦传媒檛 leave people in our past when they die.乌鸦传媒�

They continue to live in hearts and minds.

Victoria Hospice hosts several workshops with videos available online at . 

The Canadian Grief Alliance offers online resources at .